Idiots on Craigslist

February 28, 2007

Sometimes, I like to cruise the ‘mw4w’ section of Craigslist, just for shits and giggles. Couples advertising for a hot bi babe make the same mistakes, over and over; most such mistakes flow naturally from the fucked-up ideas about gender and sex that make America strong. Others come from the jaw-dropping pits of stupid you can’t buy without a special wholesaler’s permit. Like the following:

she’s always fantasized about using a strap-on to fuck another girl doggy style while she pulls her hair lightly. I still have to buy this toy (havent been able to find it in the local stores).

On the one hand, we’re not born with the addresses of local sex toy stores imprinted in mirror-writing on our foreheads. On the other, Good Vibrations has ads on the fucking BART.

I’m into most things(toys, oral, etc.)

Oh, sweetie. You’re kind of cute; if I didn’t suspect that your boyfriend is a worthless ugly shit who’d freak out when I ignored his Big Manly Cock, I’d offer to show you what “most” really means.

we are looking for a very sexually submissive female companion for the occasional wine and get together… definitely not one that likes to sleep with just anyone and everyone for the sake of sex. We prefer our ladies to be our lady.

Okay, this actually is standard slut-shaming and entitlement. But still, asking your occasional sex partner to be faithful to you takes balls.

creepy sparkly roses

That’s right, children: if your casual sex partner doesn’t cover the bed in sparkly rose jpgs, it’s not really romance.